He's the only one I can picture when I daydream about my future the only one that will eat me as if i were sitting on a platter
when I'm sitting there trying to figure out whats wrong the look in his eyes says "baby i already know"
he's the daddy i never had you know the one that can never say no
the guy who everyone labels as the one who will ruin or take advantage of me
change me bring out that rebel in me
I do plan to let him take advantage of me
on a four post bed
arms and legs spread
R.kelly blastin'
whipped cream plastered
he did bring out the rebel in me but not in the way anyone expected
when the daring child was revealed tears were spilled
she gave a warning and immediately after did exactly as she pleased
she explored
her mind
fell in love with
her body
met a guy
became infatuated with his mystery
she hurt the one who hurt her one too many times
the hurt she caused was deemed a terrible and unforgivable crime
in return she ended up burned all because she was a rookie to a game she didn't know was being played
when it all crashed and burned "daddy" was there
with what little of his strength he had left he consoled her
with all the anger and hurt she filled him with he fucked her
the aggression surprised her
but she smiled
as the thrusts came one after the other
she moaned hoping he would find the answers he craved within her.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have believed that I was capable of hurting someone as deeply as I've hurt you. The reality of it is bitterly shocking. It was unintentional to say the least. Its puzzling how curiosity can so drastically change a person. We were supposed to be forever but, at this moment it's like we should have never. As much as it fucks me up inside to know what I've done to someone who feel I so strongly about I wouldn't say no if given the opportunity to rewrite this outrageous love story. I would however do almost everything differently. I know exactly what you are feeling which is why the most comforting thing I can do to ease my mind and sort of control my guilt is runaway and hope that it makes it easier for you to see how unworthy I am of such love and dedication. It's tragic that this is merely the result of me being selfish for once . People constantly change so it should be viewed as anything but alarming or intimidating. When I began to change it was so shocking to you. I felt as if you didn't know how to swallow it all. I matured and nurtured my future played out in front of your eyes. I guess I know now why mom
Always said "you are not ready yet, you are too young".
The joy I feel whenever your present is inevitable
The satisfaction I get when you say something and my mind is boggled
The anticipation of what the following message will read
its all so confusing
I have yet to figure out what is it about you
what is it that's keeping here?
why am i stuck in this phase?
why wont you flee from my thoughts
set them free
not a day goes by that the illusion of us doesn't demand my attention
slumber doesn't end unless a mini production of the fulling feeling i experience when we are as one is played
I dont know what any of it means
I don't know where to begin searching for the answer
I wish you could help me figure it all out
unfortunately it seems as if the longing for clarity, understanding, and deep satisfaction
is merely a dream.
Our eyes meet and i instantly look away
I look back up and your'e still staring
we approach each other
partake in an awkward embrace
run through the casualties
I'm not listening too busy looking
searching for answers as i become lost in your eyes
you join me on my quest
and we pick up where we left off
I wish that's what happened
that fantasy i created in my head
the truth is
I noticed you but you didnt see me
i passed by you but could only see the back of your head
instead of joy i felt shame
instead of fulfillment i felt pain
but in my head i smiled because part of my fantasy was coming to life
the part where once more we breathed the same air
time passed and i walked by you again this time you noticed me
as i waltzed by i didnt see what reaction my presence brought to your face
i hear that you laughed
I know it wasn't because you were delighted to see me.
I prayed that i would see you again and that what I got
next time ill be more specific.
Why did you do that?
pull me back in,
place the smile that surfaces only when your around
make me believe you were back
reminice on the few great acts
lead me to believe there was a future
pull my thoughts out of somber
i was so close to forgetting you
like a bandit you came out of the blue
made me believe what i was feeling wasnt true
tricked me into believing it was my fault
let me gaze at you once more
allowing my mind to wonder
the mystery of you still haunts me
keeps me up nights
finally when i do fall into my slumber
there you are again in my dreams
why do i want you so bad?
why does your touch feel like something I've never had?
why did i think this time would be different?
why do i keep picturing the time you had me in that position?
You drive me insane and i cant get enough of it
but im begging you please im ready to be over it.
For as long as I can remember you have been my triumph and sorrow
For as long as I can remember I wake and go to sleep staring at you with you and a dim blue light staring back at me
For as long as I can remember you were the only guy who truly cared for me and had no problem showing it
But then everything changed
Feelings, tolerance levels, and outlooks
But one thing that hasn't changed is the way I feel when I'm in your arms.
That giddy feeling I get in the pit of my gut when I know the next time I'll kiss your lips isn't months or years away.
The future is uncertain and I'm not sure if our story will continue or how it will end
I don't know why the things that once kept me sane when I couldn't feel your warmth over the years no longer soothes me.
I dont know why Im feeling the need for so much attention and comfort at this point
I do know however that if this is the end its my fault just as much as it is yours
I realized that I'm not as innocent as I once believed.
Why can't feeling vanish?
Why must they linger and torture?
why cant they fade away like the shades of gray after a rainy day?
Why is it so easy for progress to cease when I reminisce?
Why does he still have that effect on me?
Its not fair
He is the one who made a mess of it all
Why is he so willing to give me what I wanted then now?
Or is this just another clever ploy to get me to do what i used to?
He confuckles me every time we get in contact.
Turns my emotional balance upside down
He's no good for me but that makes me want him even more.
I don't love you
yet I can't stop
I can't stop Thinking of you
Dreaming of you
It's quite pathetic
I know these feeling are one sided yet I refuse to release the memories
is this the infatuation with your mysterious persona
Or the anticipation of the day that you will give me your all
Why won't the thoughts fade away
What's the point of the lingering memories?
They Haunt me night and day
I'm steady reading old messages
Picturing the interactions
Wishing they never ended
Wishing I'd done some things different. I open my eyes , back to reality then I ask myself
Fuck...am I dick whipped?
You don't think about me as much as I do you
That I'm willing to bet
The memories of us
That I wish I would forget
I gave you more than I received
That is something I kind of regret
These petty games we keep playing
how many times am I willing to lose?
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