They say never regret anything that once made you smile

For me that is the sole reason 

I wish i never did it

Because i loved it and it showed

So satisfied I fiend for an encore of this played out show

hoping i could reconstruct the way it ends

Then i wont have to continuously dream about how it would be if we were to begin again

The conclusion of it all left me with wounds that are apparently still fresh 

However i feel like the only reason it matters so much at this point is because I gave it up for something 

that no longer seems worth it.

The emotion within me

Its going to be the death of me 

Im passionate about everything i care about 

there is no half way point with me 

I want someone who feels the same way i do

When you have put in so much time the little things are what matter the most

Gifts and dinner trips all those things that once held such meaning no longer have value

A long hug and deep passionate kiss more than once a day EVERYDAY these things are what i long for

Someone who feels some type of way when they have become accustomed to me being snuggled up under him night after night and that one evening that I'm absent sleep isn't there is what i hope for

Someone who doesn't need to dwell after an argument, isn't comfortable with going to bed angry is what i pray for

Im not sure there is another who will be as emotional and outright with their feelings as i am but there has to be someone who at least possesses these qualities. There is much more i need in a partner that i have given up on but in cant abandon these remaining wishes call me a fool but thats the happy ending to my fairytale. 

You had me 

You had me wide open 

Anything you wished for was my command

anything you yearned for i was willing to fulfill

Anything you craved for i was willing to prepare

Anytime you needed me i was ready and willing to be there

What more could u ask for?

What more could u need?

I love to flirt 

It fulfills this unknown desire of mines.

It reminds me that i am beautiful

Thats i am desirable 

The flaws that i see when i look into the mirror dont matter to him as much as they do me 

growing i was never able to feel this way.

my peers who were males were never attracted to me back then

This made me believe something was wrong with me.

My first relationship which i just ended about 5 minutes ago Didn't diminish these insecurities like i assumed it would. so here i am 7-8 years later reflecting on the part i played in the failure of my relationship. At some point I began to put myself before everything else for once and it changed me. I began to do exactly what i wanted i said fuck the repercussions and this is where it got me.

Thinking of Leaving you gives me this crippling feeling 

This burst of pain awakens throughout my body

My stomach cramps up

I begin to feel light headed 

Then the tears begin to form 

The thought frightens me so

My first love

The owner of my innocence 

I gave it all to you

I held nothing back

I tried to match the happiness you made me feel inside

I forgave you time and time again for continuously hurting me

I tolerated all the disrespect

I never walked away except the one time but i came back

I wish i had not

I was happy WITHOUT YOU

But i came back

Love We are both unhappy 

Let me go

PLEASE

I dont want to share my life with you any longer

I cant bare this pain anymore

Not only am i heart broken

But my entire being is shattered 

You are that guy for me

The one whom i will never forget 

The one who will never be completely gone 

the one whose memories will bring me loads of joy and masses of tear filled pain

I dont know what love is anymore

I dont know what i should call this

I thought it was love but it just cant be

Love isn't suppose to hurt

It shouldn't stress you out

It shouldn't cause u to feel afraid 

For the last 6-9 months i have been developing this hatred towards you

Never in my most fearful nightmares would i have even thought i could feel this way about you

Someone who rescued me 

Someone who took care of me

Clothed me

Fed me

Gave me anything i desired

Kept me content 

Loved me

Protected me

Fought for me

We endured so much just to be able to get to this point but right now im feeling like this is the end our journey Love doesn't live here anymore

Lately I've been feeling so emotional.

i dont feel that connect between my love & I. I cant get what I'm craving so when i cant get what i need it annoys the fck outta me. You know when u express something to him and his response is nowhere near the answer u were hoping for? I feel like that 24/7. Are we not right for each other? Am i too clingy? Too needy? Am i asking for too much? Is it wrong for me to expect him to basically read my mind? Shouldn't he at least have an idea of what i need to hear? Am i wrong to expect him to know me that well? Do i complain too much? Am i ungrateful ? why cant things get better? Will this fight ever end? Will we ever find each other again?